How to Keep the Holidays Happy as a Divorced Parent

The Norman Rockwell image of a family gathered to celebrate a holiday is deeply ingrained in the minds of most Americans. Regardless of the holiday(s) we celebrate or how and where we celebrate them, we often envision a cozy gathering of family members, anticipating a wonderful experience together. However, this ideal picture can become strained when a divorce or separation occurs.

For many families, this time of year can add an extra layer of stress since parents have chosen to live separate lives. This situation can be challenging for everyone involved, as the memories of past holidays and the vision of a perfect holiday may differ significantly from reality.

Here are some proactive steps you can take to alleviate stress and feelings of disappointment and sadness that may affect you and your family:

1. Adjusting Custody Arrangements: One of the major sticking points in any divorce is the custody arrangement. These arrangements are often fragile and can cause friction if not properly considered. During the negotiation process, you should have provisions that allow for alternating custody during the holidays. However, special events—such as an opportunity to travel to Aspen on Christmas Eve or spend Hanukkah in Paris—may require renegotiation. If you need to modify arrangements, seek legal advice or mediation. Try to involve your ex as early in the process as possible to avoid last-minute drama.

2. Managing Finances: Divorce often brings new financial realities into the picture, as unexpected expenses will come up and need to be planned for accordingly. Creating a holiday budget will help you plan for these costs, stay on track, and figure out what you can afford to spend comfortably. Oftentimes, parents feel the guilt and see the emotional toll divorce takes on the kids, and may want to “make up” for this pain by overspending and spoiling the kids.

3. Working Cooperatively with Your Ex: Try to work together with your ex. Begin discussing plans—not only to coordinate holiday pickup and drop-off times but also to discuss gifts- well in advance to minimize surprises and to make sure one spouse isn’t embarrassed by their inability to spend on gifts for the kids if the other is in a much better financial position.

4. Reviewing Child Support, Custody and Other Financial Obligations: Ensure that your payments are aligned with payment dates and special holiday financial agreements, if applicable. Review your custody agreements for holidays, spring, summer and winter breaks, as well as any additional child support or other financial support during these times. If you need to adjust arrangements and can’t agree with your ex, consult your attorney for guidance.

5. Involving Your Children in Holiday Planning: Talk to your children in advance of the holidays about your thoughts on holiday plans so they know what to anticipate and can also have a say in what they would like to see happen, as well as their expectations. As with so many things with children, at any age, their responses may surprise you.

6. Creating New Traditions: Resist the urge to try to recreate the past. While you don't have to erase all the old traditions, you can use the holidays as an opportunity to establish new ways to celebrate, such as attending a concert, celebrating New Year’s Eve together and/or participating in other activities that embody the holiday spirit. Focus on making new traditions and experiences that will create long-lasting memories.

Try to spend quality time with your children. It’s less about the gifts and more about these memories you create together. Another important tip is to focus on keeping any negative feelings or comments about your ex out of conversations about the holidays. Your positivity will reassure your children that all will be ok. Finally, remember to make time for self-care. The holidays can be tough both emotionally and, sometimes, physically. Give yourself time to enjoy, reconnect, and appreciate the world around you.

For more information or to arrange a consultation, please contact Jason Cole at Full Court Strategic Wealth.

The Second Act Money Guide Blog appears once a month. For more information or to arrange a conversation, please get in touch with Jason Cole at Full Court Strategic Wealth at 267.970.6464 or jcole@fullcourtstrategicwealth.com. Please visit us at https://fullcourtstrategicwealth.com/.